Hauntings of the Past
30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”
31 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him.“You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” (Mt 14:30-31,NIV)
Before you can ever go forward, you need to release the failures of the past. Fear of the past repeating itself will bring the past back into your future. Start by turning back to God and be honest with the cause of failure. Only then you can go forward.
Let me share from my own failures. No shame about it but it may help many who are disillusioned with ministry, people and life.
When my wife and I obeyed God to step out of our commitments to a local church, we did it not because of offenses because there were none. We were very much in good relationships then till today. We stepped out with the vision in hand and desire burning to serve God in a new journey of faith. In fact when we first pioneered Word of Life back in 2005, our Senior Pastor then agreed to be our Spiritual Covering, something that would not have happened if we left in offense.
Anyways, to cut the long story short...Word of Life had its first service at a hotel in Johor Bahru called Good Hope Hotel. It took us 2 months to get a shoplot of our own at Taman Impian Emas in August 2005. It was there Word of Life started growing and it was really flourishing ! We had our first water baptism and even conducted a simple holy matrimony too.
One year later in 2006 in August, while closing the metal grill doors of the Church premise, I nearly died. I was electrocuted while trying to pull the metal doors close. The electric board said there was a power leakage and direct current was coursing all over the building. Thank God, I believe He saved me for another day. However, the electric current broke my left shoulder blade which caused the left side of my shoulder to sink down.
Today, God has helped me to realise why things have become so unfruitful in ministry since then. Growth comes and goes. Misery aplenty at times. But there were too moments of greatness but it never remains.
You see God showed me that after the electrocution, I did not dare walk into that building anymore. Everytime after the incident, when I needed to open the grill door, I made sure I had a test pen with me. Made sure there was no power leakage before I insert the keys to the door. Immediately, we made the decision to get the owner to let us have 1/2 of the deposits and we will return the building to him as we felt not safe in using it anymore. That was where we started renting hotel ballrooms, rented here and there.
To cut the long story even shorter, this was the beginning of intimidations and fear setting in. Fear of the past repeating itself. Fear of things repeating itself.
Fear is very much like faith. We believe. What we believe somehow will always come to past. To be able to move forward in life, we need to be honest and brave enough to admit our mistakes. Admit not to others. Admit to ourselves first and then to God ! Let God take the wounds of the past away so that you can go forward.
